


I'm sorry

by xitsneverenoughx



Category: Rise (TV 2018)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2019-05-04 20:10:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14600787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xitsneverenoughx/pseuds/xitsneverenoughx
Summary: After the kiss in the parking lot, nothing seems to be the same for Jeremy, who tries to forget about Simon. However it's impossible for him to dismiss the boy who has overturned his life.-This is my version of the events which follow the episode 1x07 of Rise from Jeremy's point of view.(SimonxJeremy)-Sorry for possible mistakes, but, as I'm not a native English speaker, I had to translate this story from the original version, which has been written in Italian.





	I'm sorry

It happened all of a sudden. Our looks encountered just for a moment. His eyes were red and swollen. He has probably cried. His discernible bags suggested he has been awake all night long, turning into blankets repeatedly, with his eyes alert, his mind full to the brim with thoughts, which crowded and showed up one after another, preventing him from falling asleep.

I couldn't help taking my eyes off him, but, at the same time, I kept telling myself to stop. He said it clearly, that he didn't feel anything for me: "You're acting kinda creepy. You misunderstood, I wasn't flirting with you".

Those words hurt. Was it only scene, the one between us? Just a stupid performance. I just fooled myself. Was I really thinking that someone like him could have been interested in someone like me? 

We were all seated in the stalls area. Mr. Mazzu was talking, but I wasn't listening to him, too engrossed by me and my dilemmas. Just knowing he was in the same room where I was, ensured that my heart started pounding like mad. I could feel having a lump in my throat that prevented me from breathing properly. The pain in the gut tightened, in a vice that was as much enrapturing as painful. 

Before going onstage, when everyone was heading towards the dressing room, he grabbed my wrist. His fingers gently brushed against me, without tightening the grasp too much, long and slender, seemed to correspond perfectly with my pale skin, leaving invisible signs only him and I were able to figure out. I felt like being on fire, my face was for sure. I could feel my heart beating in my throat, my ears and cheeks becoming warmer. I was quivering so hard that, at some point, I feared my legs couldn't bear me anymore.

"We need to talk" he said to me. His gaze wasn't evasive at all. His eyes, of a dark shaded chestnut, almost black, blended with my cerulean ones. It felt like an eternity to me. Just five seconds, I counted them, and then he let me go. He walked away slyly, not turning back. My doubts and thoughts took ferociously and swiftly possession of me. 

Annabelle was looking me up and down indignant. I perceived her look on my back, consuming me. 

"Pardon!" she said that haughtily. "Back off, you." She meant. I pull aside. The only thing my eyes found in hers was pure contempt. Then she kept walking along her way. Looking at me like that, Annabelle warned me not to touch her boyfriend. 

That entire situation seemed to be unreal. He wanted to talk... Perhaps he regretted what he had said to me, or he just wanted to reiterate the concept.

Rehearsals felt like the longest we'd ever done. The ticking of the clock hung to the wall pronounced every second so slowly that every minute just appeared to be endless. 

When it was our turn on the set, he kept being cold and detached. He didn't touch me lightly, not even once, not even by mistake. He was taking what I had said to him the previous day literally. How could I think of that? I had been a fool. What I needed the most in that moment was he touching me, again, as he did before the beginning of rehearsals. Nevertheless, he didn't. I looked at him hopeful. His eyes suggested "Sorry, I can't, really". He didn't understand I required him. 

The bell rang. Robbie and Lilette were still rehearsing the last scene, so Mr. Mazzu dismissed everyone except them. I hesitated a while before reaching the dressing room. I looked around not for long. There was no sign of him. The fear that he could have already left started growing into me; maybe he had changed his mind and was trying to avoid me in every way. However, when I opened the changing room's door, I briefly saw him. I had the impression that I resumed breathing after a period of utter apnoea. We didn't look at each other, even if both of us knew the other was there, and that we should have talked sooner or later. I waited for him to leave the room, so I would have known when to move close and approach, but he didn't. He awaited until all the others left. I saw him taking his phone in order to send a text; successively he looked up and addressed me a lopsided smile, almost outlined. I just stared at him. Anxiety was eating me alive.

I would have opened my mouth to talk to him finally, any moment now. "So?" I would have said, "What do you have to tell that's so important?" ('That I have desired this moment to come as soon as possible?' I would have finished mentally).

I just hoped he wouldn't back down, not after having kept me hanging for so long. I wanted to hate him, but I knew I would have never been able to. He took some steps towards me. I remained stable there, watching at him. He opened his mouth, as he wanted to start speaking, but he closed it again, all of a sudden. He changed direction, checking the door, reaching and closing it. My eyes followed him all over the way, instead my body stood still, as paralysed. The tension between us was palpable. I would have gone crazy. I was living that scene at a snail's space, with my breath cut off and my hands trembling. 

"Look, I'm sorry" he finally squealed. "I'm sorry for everything I have said the other day. I didn't mean to offend you."

I couldn't utter a single word. I remained with my mouth slightly opened waiting for my voice to show up.

He took another step in my direction and he stopped to contemplate me from the bottom to the top; hereafter his eyes into mine again, right where they belonged.

"However..." and then he abruptly ceased. It looked like he did it on purpose, every time. "I haven't been sincere with lots of people, in this period, starting from myself, even. I don't know exactly what I feel, I'm still confused. That kiss has changed everything... I realised that, from that day, I couldn't keep on pretending nothing has happened."

He didn't draw near, but he sat still rubbing his fingers with each other. I sensed embarrassment in his voice. He was opening his heart to me, so that I could read into him. He was vulnerable. I was more. My heart has already been his for a long time, since when our looks bumped into each other for the first time. He made me lose my mind, completely. When he was next to me, I wasn't able to control myself anymore. I depended on him.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you. And I'm sorry I ruined things between you and Annabelle, and that you guys broke up because of me." I was about to carry on talking, but he interrupted me brusquely. "There has never been anything between me and Annabelle, besides pretence. I asked her out because I was scared. I feared I may have started feeling something for you, and just the thought made me terrorised. Only now, I understood what an idiot I've been. I hurt my dearest friends, Lilette, Annabelle, you... And that happened just because I was afraid of facing the reality and realizing who I really am." This time he moved closer, even more, again, slowly; our faces just a little centimetres distant. I could feel his warm breath reaching my face, and gently heating up my cheeks. 

"I'm sorry", he repeated, " I'm sorry I acted like that. But you have nothing to feel sorry for, because you gave me the best kiss of my life."


End file.
